Is this what I want to do?

After a national tragedy it is natural for people to soul-search. To reflect on their own lives and the decisions they have made. I am no different.

After the unspeakable evil that descended on Virgina Tech Monday, a tragedy so vile that words such as massacre and horrific seem cliche and ill-equipped to articulate the events, I have been going through so many emotions.

Fear for my friends at Tech, grief for the victims and families affected, sympathy for the family of the killer and outrage. I have been angered by the images I have seen, thinking: "how could this happen?" I have been angered by the ignorant people the media has projected on to televisions across the country, so quick to blame and push for their political agendas, even before we know the facts. And I have felt anger towards the media. An institution that I have been striving to be apart of for the past four years.

The past few days has made me focus on my feelings towards the media, which I realize is first and foremost a business. It is understandable that the reporters covering the story are giving the country what they want. Our country is so hungry for information about this tragedy, and rightfully so.

But I wonder...

How far will reporters and broadcasters go to get the story? So far, to my knowledge, the media has been respectful of the victims families, both of the deceased and those still in Blacksburg-area hospitals, but what about the family of the very disturbed Cho Seung-hui?

I know little about the family, except they live in Centreville, VA, 15 minutes from where I sit to write this, operate a dry cleaning business and have a daughter enrolled at Princeton. That is more than I need to know at the time, but the media, always competing for the story will be trying their damnedest to get every bit of information on the family.

The media was staked out in front of the families town home minutes after the name of the killer was released. I know that the public wants to know about the killer, his background and childhood, and the media will be there to find out - but where is the respect for this shattered family?

I thought if I were asked to cover the family, post out in my car-turned-RV to wait for the parents of the killer, would I be able to do this? Would I be able to circle the distraught family so soon after the tragedy, like a vulture? Just doing my job, I guess...

I still don't know what I would do, but right now I can't really make sense of much.